Hate Debate: JSF vs JF jr.
Who do I hate most?
Is it Jonathan Safran Foer, the lilliputian prince of Park Slope who writes like my evil, talentless identical-twin cousin might write on acid? Oh, I do hate him. I have written before of my hatred of JSF and his lofty book deals and his record-breakingly priced townhouse and his book-throwing prose. (Can't remember if I mentioned that I liked his wife's book - though she also generally annoys me, she can write.)
But there may be someone I hate even more. That someone is Safran Foer's little brother, Joshua Foer. An even smaller human with an even larger advance - $1.2 million! For HIS MEMOIR! He's like 23! And it hasn't been written yet!!! And even the premise supposedly SUX!!!!
But wait... he just sold the rights... the rights to this 23-YEAR-OLD'S-MEMOIR!!!! we're just OPTIONED for a MOVIE!!!
But wait... the movie is tentatively titled MOONWALKING WITH EINSTEIN!!!
And, he's also in love with CONNOR OBERST!!!!
I'm sorry for all the yelling. But can you blame me? I must declare that I truly hate Joshua (now known as JFjr). But do I hate him more than JSF? For if it were not for JSF, the original Foer, then JFjr be just another weenus from Yale trying to get a job at the Staten Island Advance. But at least JSF had to kiss a lot of ass - and apparently did, writing to other writers from the age of six or something - to get where he is. JFjr only had to say his last name, apparently. Why else... how else could a 23-year-old get $1.2 mil for a memoir that isn't written and that is called Moonwalking with Einstein. It seems ridiculous. Impossible! Implausible! If I made this story up I would be accused of imitating my evil identical twin cousin on acid, only with less believability.
(I also hate Connor Oberst, another minor talent with major hype. But not with the same passion and fire that I hate the Foers. And what's up - are these three all the same guy but sometimes with glasses and sometimes not? I love Seth Cohen as much or more than anyone, but I don't need the persona to extend into my reading and listening materials. I get enough of the character from the show and Teen People.)
Oh... I guess I hate JFjr the most. He wins. For that movie title alone. But things can change. And I'm sure they will get worse. For me. Better for my hate. And for anyone named Foer.
Which reminds me, I changed Swaddlini's name. To Ford Maddox Foer. And he's brilliant! We're shopping around his baby book.
Is it Jonathan Safran Foer, the lilliputian prince of Park Slope who writes like my evil, talentless identical-twin cousin might write on acid? Oh, I do hate him. I have written before of my hatred of JSF and his lofty book deals and his record-breakingly priced townhouse and his book-throwing prose. (Can't remember if I mentioned that I liked his wife's book - though she also generally annoys me, she can write.)
But there may be someone I hate even more. That someone is Safran Foer's little brother, Joshua Foer. An even smaller human with an even larger advance - $1.2 million! For HIS MEMOIR! He's like 23! And it hasn't been written yet!!! And even the premise supposedly SUX!!!!
But wait... he just sold the rights... the rights to this 23-YEAR-OLD'S-MEMOIR!!!! we're just OPTIONED for a MOVIE!!!
But wait... the movie is tentatively titled MOONWALKING WITH EINSTEIN!!!
And, he's also in love with CONNOR OBERST!!!!
I'm sorry for all the yelling. But can you blame me? I must declare that I truly hate Joshua (now known as JFjr). But do I hate him more than JSF? For if it were not for JSF, the original Foer, then JFjr be just another weenus from Yale trying to get a job at the Staten Island Advance. But at least JSF had to kiss a lot of ass - and apparently did, writing to other writers from the age of six or something - to get where he is. JFjr only had to say his last name, apparently. Why else... how else could a 23-year-old get $1.2 mil for a memoir that isn't written and that is called Moonwalking with Einstein. It seems ridiculous. Impossible! Implausible! If I made this story up I would be accused of imitating my evil identical twin cousin on acid, only with less believability.
(I also hate Connor Oberst, another minor talent with major hype. But not with the same passion and fire that I hate the Foers. And what's up - are these three all the same guy but sometimes with glasses and sometimes not? I love Seth Cohen as much or more than anyone, but I don't need the persona to extend into my reading and listening materials. I get enough of the character from the show and Teen People.)
Oh... I guess I hate JFjr the most. He wins. For that movie title alone. But things can change. And I'm sure they will get worse. For me. Better for my hate. And for anyone named Foer.
Which reminds me, I changed Swaddlini's name. To Ford Maddox Foer. And he's brilliant! We're shopping around his baby book.
posted by j.m. at 4:42 PM
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