The 49 Most Conservative Madonna Songs
A friend recently made me aware of an article by John J. Miller of the National Review, listing the 50 greatest conservative rock songs. Miller's point was that although rock songs do not typically seem right-wing, Christian or conservative, many truly are. In fact, the list (found here via Left of the Dial, scroll down to see the full list) includes such surprises as Sympathy for the Devil, Revolution, I Fought the Law, and Janie's Got a Gun.
This got me thinking about the right-wing messages hidden in other popular music, and I was shocked at what I discovered. Herewith, I present
The 49 Most Conservative Madonna Songs
1. Like a Virgin. A chastity promise set to music, this hit glorifies virginity and reminds us that born-again virgins can be just as chaste—and sexy—as any other kind. In this song, Madonna teaches us that a saving oneself can be a struggle, but it is worth it when you find that one true love: “I made it through the wilderness/Somehow I made it through/Didn't know how lost I was/Until I found you”
2. Papa Don’t Preach. In this battle cry against big government, she’s not going to let those nanny liberals talk her into an abortion: “I’ve made up my mind/ I’m keeping my baby. Ooh. I’m gonna keep my baby. Ooh, yeah.”
3. Music. The bourgeoisie and the rebel come together to dance. Take that Karl Marx.
4. Material Girl. Talk about having your priorities in order. Here’s a woman who knows her value, and the value of a dollar (I also like the catchy play on the word interest—were you listening, Alan Greenspan?): “ Some boys romance/some boys slow dance/That's all right with me/If they can't raise my interest then I have to let them be/’Cuz we are living in a material world/And I am a material girl.”
5. Borderline. This catchy pop tune is also an anti-immigration anthem: “Borderline/ Feels like I’m going to lose my mind”
6. Like a Prayer. One of the most important ballads in all of Christian rock, it also speaks to the American individualist. “Everyone must stand alone/I hear you call my name/And it feels like home.”
7. Holiday. A battle cry in the war on Christmas. This song proves that the word “Holiday” is unspecific and inane.
8. Over and Over. A Horatio Alger tale of American determination. “It doesn't matter who you are/It's what you do that takes you far/And if at first you don't succeed/Here's some advice that you should heed/ I get up again, over and over/
I get up again, over and over”
9. Don’t Tell Me. This country rocker is not only a salute to fierce individualism, it also impugns global-warming doomsayers who are egocentric enough to believe what we do affects the planet: “Don't tell me to stop/Tell the rain not to drop/Tell the wind not to blow/'Cause you said so, mmm/Tell the sun not to shine/Not to get up this time, no, no…/Tell the leaves not to turn/But don't ever tell me I'll learn, no, no/Take the black off a crow/But don't tell me I have to go.”
10. White Heat. This little-known early number is a salute to our heroes on the police force.
11. Where’s the Party. It seems like an innocent dance tune, but listen closer and you discover a classic tale of a liberal growing up and becoming an adult conservative: “Couldn't wait to get older/Thought I'd have so much fun/I guess I'm one of the grown-ups/Now I have to get the job done.”
12. Love Makes the World Go Round. The touchy feely title may put some people off, but the lyrics say it all: “Make love not war we say/It's easy to recite/But it don't mean a damn/Unless we're gonna fight”
13. Why’s It So Hard. The cry of the persecuted Christian in Godless America: ”Who should get to say what I believe in/Who should have the right/What am I going to do with all this anger/Why do I have to fight.”
14. Angel. The title says it all. Amen.
15. The Look of Love. A perfect attack on liberal intellectual sentiment: “And all the books I've read, and the things I know/Never taught me to laugh, never taught to let go.”
16. Erotic. This allegory explains the importance of America’s dominance in foreign countries such as Iraq: “If I take you from behind/Push myself into your mind/When you least expect it/Will you try and reject it/If I'm in charge and I treat you like a child…If you're afraid, well rise above/ I only hurt the ones I love.”
17. Where Life Begins. I need not explain or include lyrics here. We all know where life begins.
18. Love song. Although this song is co-written by Prince and is peppered with fruity French lyrics, it also contains two of the best conservative mottos around: “Say what you mean, mean what you say” and “God strike me dead if I did you wrong”
19. Impressive Instant. Praising the wisdom of intelligent design: “Cosmic systems intertwine/Astral bodies drip like wine/All of nature ebbs and flows/Comets shoot across the sky/Can't explain the reasons why/This is how creation goes.”
20. Cherish. A tale of a young woman who turns her life around and discovers commitment. “I was never satisfied with casual encounters … I want more than just romance/You are my destiny, I can't let go baby can't you see … Perish the thought/Of ever leaving, I never would”
21. Causing a Commotion. This rocker has moves and motion, but it’s also a thoughtful explanation of right-wing political perspective: “Someday you'll see my point of view/You can't keep wishing on the stars baby/What works for me can work for you/You've got to make a compromise and maybe.”
22. Acts of Contrition. This is everything a God-fearing Christian could want in a rock song: “Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee/ And I detest all my sins because of Thy just punishment/But most of all, because I have offended Thee, oh my God/Who art all good and deserving of all my love/I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace/To confess my sins, to do penance, to amend my life/And to avoid the temptations of evil.”
23. Justify my Love. Sending out a message to big-government liberals: “Poor is the man/Whose pleasures depend/On the permission of another.”
24. Deeper and Deeper. Sings the praises of discovering God’s love: “Kisses sent from heaven above/They get sweeter and sweeter the more that I know.”
25. Bad Girl. A cautionary tale of a loose woman who is in despair: “Bad girl drunk by six/Kissing someone else's lips/Smoked too many cigarettes today/I'm not happy when I act this way.”
26. Words. This song perfectly censures Democratic talking heads: “I've grown tired of your words/Words, words/A linguistic form that can meaningfully be spoken in isolation/Conversation, expression, a promise, a sigh/In short, a lie.”
27. Did you Do It? This brilliant rap song sends an important NRA message: “Clean up me rifle, clean up me rifle, you clean up me rifle”
28. Sanctuary. A response to tree-hugging environmentalists: “Who needs the sun, when the rain's so full of life/Who needs the sky, when the ground's open wide/It's here in your arms I want to be buried/You are my sanctuary.”
29. Bedtime Story. “Words are useless, especially sentences/They don't stand for anything…Let’s get unconscious” George W. couldn’t have said it better. Literally.
30. I want you. Here Madonna takes a strong stance against sins such as masturbation, and praises marital love: “One way love is just a fantasy/To share is precious, pure and fair/Don't play with something you should cherish for life/Oh baby, don't you wanna care?/Ain't it lonely out there?”
31. This Used to be My Playground. A paean to an America lost: “This used to be my playground/This used to be our pride and joy/This used to be the place we ran to/That no one in the world could dare destroy.”
32. Swim. This song doesn’t make much sense, but I agree with the sentiment: “Children killing children/While the students rape their teachers/Comets fly across the sky/While the churches burn their preachers…We can't carry these sins on our back/Don't wanna carry any more/We're gonna carry this train off the track/We're gonna swim to the ocean floor.”
33. Ray of Light. A salute to the saved in the coming Apocalypse: “She's got herself a little piece of heaven/Waiting for the time when Earth shall be as one…Quicker than a ray of light.”
34. Sky Fits Heaven. Another pro-life groove: “Sky fits heaven so fly it/That's what the prophet said to me/Child fits mother so hold your baby tight/That's what my future could see.”
35. The Power of Good-Bye. A plea to Darwinist fools: “Freedom comes when you learn to let go/Creation comes when you learn to say no.”
36. American Pie. OK, this is a cover, but anytime someone mentions that the three men they admire most are the father, son and holy ghost, pious Americans can breathe a little sigh of relief.
37. I Deserve It. Here, Madonna and her mate find joy in praying together on a first date: “This guy has prayed for me/And I have prayed for him/This guy was made for me/And I was made for him.”
38. Nobody’s Perfect. The Cheney 2008 campaign slogan: “Nobody's perfect/Nobody's perfect/I was dishonest/I will do my best/Yeah.”
39. What it Feels Like for a Girl. A thoughtful explanation on why men should be men and women should be girls: “But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading/'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading/ Strong inside but you don't know it/Good little girls they never show it/When you open up your mouth to speak/Could you be a little weak.”
40. Gone. George W.’s next Iraq speech set to music: “Letting go/Is not my thing/Walk away/Won't let it happen again/I'm not/I'm not very smart.”
41. American Life. This song is a salute to everything the terrorists want to destroy: I live the American dream/You are the best thing I've seen/I'm drinkin' a soy latte/I get a double shoté/It goes right through my body/And you know I'm satisfied/I drive my Mini Cooper/And I'm feeling super-duper/Yo they tell me I'm a trooper/And you know I'm satisfied/I do yoga and pilates/And the room is full of hotties/So I'm checking out their bodies/And you know I'm satisfied…/I got a lawyer and a manager/An agent and a chef/Three nannies, an assistant/And a driver and a jet/A trainer and a butler/And a bodyguard or five/A gardener and a stylist/Do you think I'm satisfied?”
42. Nobody Knows Me. The chorus of this undiscovered hit strikes at the heart of left-wing media: “I don't want no lies/I don't watch TV/I don't waste my time/Won't read a magazine… Won't let a stranger give me a social disease/I, I sleep much better at night/I feel closer to the light/Now I'm gonna try/To improve my life.”
43. Intervention. Many of my friends play this one while tailgating pro-life rallies: “I got to save my baby/Because he makes me cry/I got to make him happy/I got to teach him how to fly/I want to take him higher/Way up like a bird in the sky/I got to calm him down now/I want to save his life.”
44. X-Static Process. Like all of us, Madonna has struggled with her faith. But when she does it, it’s funky. “Jesus Christ will you look at me/Don't know who I'm supposed to be/Don't really know if I should give a damn/When you're around, I don't know who I am/I'm not myself when you go quiet/I'm not myself all alone at night/I'm not myself, don't know who to call/I'm not myself at all.”
45. Die Another Day. When sung from the point of view of the unborn child, this song is a clarion call against Godless abortionists. “I guess I'll die another day/It's not my time to go/For every sin, I'll have to pay/I've come to work, I've come to play/I think I'll find another way/It's not my time to go.”
46. How High. Halliburton was actually considering this as their corporate anthem: “How high are the stakes/How much fortune can you make/Does this get any better/Should I carry on/Will it matter when I'm gone/Will any of this matter.”
47. More. This song has helped to rehabilitate thousands of young would-be Hillary Clintons: “Got my diamonds, got my yacht, got a guy I adore/I'm so happy with what I got, I want more!/Count your blessings, one, two, three/I just hate keeping score/Any number is fine with me/As long as it's more/As long as it's more!”
48. Vogue. Hearkens back to a sweeter time, with Grace Kelly, Harlow, Jean, Dietrich and DiMaggio dancing along.
49. Dress You Up. Dresses down communist hippies who tout the business casual asthetic. Americans wear suits custom made in London, not a pair of $2 flip-flops made in China. And dirty jeans, while appropriate for clearing brush on your ranch, should stay out of the office.
This got me thinking about the right-wing messages hidden in other popular music, and I was shocked at what I discovered. Herewith, I present
The 49 Most Conservative Madonna Songs
1. Like a Virgin. A chastity promise set to music, this hit glorifies virginity and reminds us that born-again virgins can be just as chaste—and sexy—as any other kind. In this song, Madonna teaches us that a saving oneself can be a struggle, but it is worth it when you find that one true love: “I made it through the wilderness/Somehow I made it through/Didn't know how lost I was/Until I found you”
2. Papa Don’t Preach. In this battle cry against big government, she’s not going to let those nanny liberals talk her into an abortion: “I’ve made up my mind/ I’m keeping my baby. Ooh. I’m gonna keep my baby. Ooh, yeah.”
3. Music. The bourgeoisie and the rebel come together to dance. Take that Karl Marx.
4. Material Girl. Talk about having your priorities in order. Here’s a woman who knows her value, and the value of a dollar (I also like the catchy play on the word interest—were you listening, Alan Greenspan?): “ Some boys romance/some boys slow dance/That's all right with me/If they can't raise my interest then I have to let them be/’Cuz we are living in a material world/And I am a material girl.”
5. Borderline. This catchy pop tune is also an anti-immigration anthem: “Borderline/ Feels like I’m going to lose my mind”
6. Like a Prayer. One of the most important ballads in all of Christian rock, it also speaks to the American individualist. “Everyone must stand alone/I hear you call my name/And it feels like home.”
7. Holiday. A battle cry in the war on Christmas. This song proves that the word “Holiday” is unspecific and inane.
8. Over and Over. A Horatio Alger tale of American determination. “It doesn't matter who you are/It's what you do that takes you far/And if at first you don't succeed/Here's some advice that you should heed/ I get up again, over and over/
I get up again, over and over”
9. Don’t Tell Me. This country rocker is not only a salute to fierce individualism, it also impugns global-warming doomsayers who are egocentric enough to believe what we do affects the planet: “Don't tell me to stop/Tell the rain not to drop/Tell the wind not to blow/'Cause you said so, mmm/Tell the sun not to shine/Not to get up this time, no, no…/Tell the leaves not to turn/But don't ever tell me I'll learn, no, no/Take the black off a crow/But don't tell me I have to go.”
10. White Heat. This little-known early number is a salute to our heroes on the police force.
11. Where’s the Party. It seems like an innocent dance tune, but listen closer and you discover a classic tale of a liberal growing up and becoming an adult conservative: “Couldn't wait to get older/Thought I'd have so much fun/I guess I'm one of the grown-ups/Now I have to get the job done.”
12. Love Makes the World Go Round. The touchy feely title may put some people off, but the lyrics say it all: “Make love not war we say/It's easy to recite/But it don't mean a damn/Unless we're gonna fight”
13. Why’s It So Hard. The cry of the persecuted Christian in Godless America: ”Who should get to say what I believe in/Who should have the right/What am I going to do with all this anger/Why do I have to fight.”
14. Angel. The title says it all. Amen.
15. The Look of Love. A perfect attack on liberal intellectual sentiment: “And all the books I've read, and the things I know/Never taught me to laugh, never taught to let go.”
16. Erotic. This allegory explains the importance of America’s dominance in foreign countries such as Iraq: “If I take you from behind/Push myself into your mind/When you least expect it/Will you try and reject it/If I'm in charge and I treat you like a child…If you're afraid, well rise above/ I only hurt the ones I love.”
17. Where Life Begins. I need not explain or include lyrics here. We all know where life begins.
18. Love song. Although this song is co-written by Prince and is peppered with fruity French lyrics, it also contains two of the best conservative mottos around: “Say what you mean, mean what you say” and “God strike me dead if I did you wrong”
19. Impressive Instant. Praising the wisdom of intelligent design: “Cosmic systems intertwine/Astral bodies drip like wine/All of nature ebbs and flows/Comets shoot across the sky/Can't explain the reasons why/This is how creation goes.”
20. Cherish. A tale of a young woman who turns her life around and discovers commitment. “I was never satisfied with casual encounters … I want more than just romance/You are my destiny, I can't let go baby can't you see … Perish the thought/Of ever leaving, I never would”
21. Causing a Commotion. This rocker has moves and motion, but it’s also a thoughtful explanation of right-wing political perspective: “Someday you'll see my point of view/You can't keep wishing on the stars baby/What works for me can work for you/You've got to make a compromise and maybe.”
22. Acts of Contrition. This is everything a God-fearing Christian could want in a rock song: “Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee/ And I detest all my sins because of Thy just punishment/But most of all, because I have offended Thee, oh my God/Who art all good and deserving of all my love/I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace/To confess my sins, to do penance, to amend my life/And to avoid the temptations of evil.”
23. Justify my Love. Sending out a message to big-government liberals: “Poor is the man/Whose pleasures depend/On the permission of another.”
24. Deeper and Deeper. Sings the praises of discovering God’s love: “Kisses sent from heaven above/They get sweeter and sweeter the more that I know.”
25. Bad Girl. A cautionary tale of a loose woman who is in despair: “Bad girl drunk by six/Kissing someone else's lips/Smoked too many cigarettes today/I'm not happy when I act this way.”
26. Words. This song perfectly censures Democratic talking heads: “I've grown tired of your words/Words, words/A linguistic form that can meaningfully be spoken in isolation/Conversation, expression, a promise, a sigh/In short, a lie.”
27. Did you Do It? This brilliant rap song sends an important NRA message: “Clean up me rifle, clean up me rifle, you clean up me rifle”
28. Sanctuary. A response to tree-hugging environmentalists: “Who needs the sun, when the rain's so full of life/Who needs the sky, when the ground's open wide/It's here in your arms I want to be buried/You are my sanctuary.”
29. Bedtime Story. “Words are useless, especially sentences/They don't stand for anything…Let’s get unconscious” George W. couldn’t have said it better. Literally.
30. I want you. Here Madonna takes a strong stance against sins such as masturbation, and praises marital love: “One way love is just a fantasy/To share is precious, pure and fair/Don't play with something you should cherish for life/Oh baby, don't you wanna care?/Ain't it lonely out there?”
31. This Used to be My Playground. A paean to an America lost: “This used to be my playground/This used to be our pride and joy/This used to be the place we ran to/That no one in the world could dare destroy.”
32. Swim. This song doesn’t make much sense, but I agree with the sentiment: “Children killing children/While the students rape their teachers/Comets fly across the sky/While the churches burn their preachers…We can't carry these sins on our back/Don't wanna carry any more/We're gonna carry this train off the track/We're gonna swim to the ocean floor.”
33. Ray of Light. A salute to the saved in the coming Apocalypse: “She's got herself a little piece of heaven/Waiting for the time when Earth shall be as one…Quicker than a ray of light.”
34. Sky Fits Heaven. Another pro-life groove: “Sky fits heaven so fly it/That's what the prophet said to me/Child fits mother so hold your baby tight/That's what my future could see.”
35. The Power of Good-Bye. A plea to Darwinist fools: “Freedom comes when you learn to let go/Creation comes when you learn to say no.”
36. American Pie. OK, this is a cover, but anytime someone mentions that the three men they admire most are the father, son and holy ghost, pious Americans can breathe a little sigh of relief.
37. I Deserve It. Here, Madonna and her mate find joy in praying together on a first date: “This guy has prayed for me/And I have prayed for him/This guy was made for me/And I was made for him.”
38. Nobody’s Perfect. The Cheney 2008 campaign slogan: “Nobody's perfect/Nobody's perfect/I was dishonest/I will do my best/Yeah.”
39. What it Feels Like for a Girl. A thoughtful explanation on why men should be men and women should be girls: “But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading/'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading/ Strong inside but you don't know it/Good little girls they never show it/When you open up your mouth to speak/Could you be a little weak.”
40. Gone. George W.’s next Iraq speech set to music: “Letting go/Is not my thing/Walk away/Won't let it happen again/I'm not/I'm not very smart.”
41. American Life. This song is a salute to everything the terrorists want to destroy: I live the American dream/You are the best thing I've seen/I'm drinkin' a soy latte/I get a double shoté/It goes right through my body/And you know I'm satisfied/I drive my Mini Cooper/And I'm feeling super-duper/Yo they tell me I'm a trooper/And you know I'm satisfied/I do yoga and pilates/And the room is full of hotties/So I'm checking out their bodies/And you know I'm satisfied…/I got a lawyer and a manager/An agent and a chef/Three nannies, an assistant/And a driver and a jet/A trainer and a butler/And a bodyguard or five/A gardener and a stylist/Do you think I'm satisfied?”
42. Nobody Knows Me. The chorus of this undiscovered hit strikes at the heart of left-wing media: “I don't want no lies/I don't watch TV/I don't waste my time/Won't read a magazine… Won't let a stranger give me a social disease/I, I sleep much better at night/I feel closer to the light/Now I'm gonna try/To improve my life.”
43. Intervention. Many of my friends play this one while tailgating pro-life rallies: “I got to save my baby/Because he makes me cry/I got to make him happy/I got to teach him how to fly/I want to take him higher/Way up like a bird in the sky/I got to calm him down now/I want to save his life.”
44. X-Static Process. Like all of us, Madonna has struggled with her faith. But when she does it, it’s funky. “Jesus Christ will you look at me/Don't know who I'm supposed to be/Don't really know if I should give a damn/When you're around, I don't know who I am/I'm not myself when you go quiet/I'm not myself all alone at night/I'm not myself, don't know who to call/I'm not myself at all.”
45. Die Another Day. When sung from the point of view of the unborn child, this song is a clarion call against Godless abortionists. “I guess I'll die another day/It's not my time to go/For every sin, I'll have to pay/I've come to work, I've come to play/I think I'll find another way/It's not my time to go.”
46. How High. Halliburton was actually considering this as their corporate anthem: “How high are the stakes/How much fortune can you make/Does this get any better/Should I carry on/Will it matter when I'm gone/Will any of this matter.”
47. More. This song has helped to rehabilitate thousands of young would-be Hillary Clintons: “Got my diamonds, got my yacht, got a guy I adore/I'm so happy with what I got, I want more!/Count your blessings, one, two, three/I just hate keeping score/Any number is fine with me/As long as it's more/As long as it's more!”
48. Vogue. Hearkens back to a sweeter time, with Grace Kelly, Harlow, Jean, Dietrich and DiMaggio dancing along.
49. Dress You Up. Dresses down communist hippies who tout the business casual asthetic. Americans wear suits custom made in London, not a pair of $2 flip-flops made in China. And dirty jeans, while appropriate for clearing brush on your ranch, should stay out of the office.
posted by j.m. at 2:30 PM
6 Comments:
Tres amussent. Now I understand why she is being crucified in her new show; the liberals are always trying to crucify aq good conservative.
That's a great list! I've put up my own alternative list of the 50 greatest conservative rock songs.
Keep up the good work
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This is hilarious! I thought I'd heard more Madonna songs than the average person, but I guess I've been proved wrong.
Simply Brilliant!
Very Humourous.
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