Speaking as an Unbiased Journalist, I Hate Judith Miller!

Dear Career Gods: Please, please, please give me the opportunity to unnecessarily martyr myself in the name of a free press just as my developing reputation as a Bush administration hack and Chalabi mouthpiece threatens to ruin my career (though, since I'm a financial writer, I'd more likely be a hack for, say, GE or a mouthpiece for hedge fund manager, Eddie Lampert... but whatever. No one will ever know because a "Real Journalist"[TM] never reveals her sources). Grant me the opportunity to spend two to three summer months in jail, where, although things are bleak, I can comfort myself with the pity and admiration of peers and underlings alike. Give me the strength to eventually decide to reveal my already widely suspected source (because a "Real Journalist"[TM] never says never), who was technically already revealed months ago by another journalist (some non-martyr whose name no one remembers). And if you could throw in a seven-figure book deal? I promise to demure that I did it all "for the people" when real journalists such as Lou Dobbs embarrass themselves by fawning over me. And no one will ever question my legitimacy again. Amen.