Miscellany

1. I've been getting off the subway a couple of stops early these days, in an effort to get in some extra waddling before work. Each morning, I pass Lincoln Center and the ABC Studios. On Monday, a very sweaty man wearing a headset came up to me and asked:

"Excuse me, Miss, would you be at all interested in attending a taping of the Tony Danza show?" (Well, he didn't so much ask as plea, but unfortunately there is no existing punctuation to indicate pleading.)

I hated to have to tell this desperate man that I was on my way to work and therefore could not afford the time to watch Mr. Danza's TV magic. But I did, and he said he completely understood, but his body language told me he was crestfallen.

Is there anything not utterly desperate about the Tony Danza Show? I've seen exactly three minutes of it, and he pulled out all of the stops - singing, dancing, bad jokes, audience repartee. On Saturday Night Live, Fred Armisen does a brilliant imitation of TD, in which he actually puts his hands together and almost begs for applause between jokes. It's dead on. But the little production guy running around the streets of New York at the last minute, accosting random single pregnant walking women in search of a potential audience - that's a new level of desperation. I almost wish I had taken the day off to help this guy out.

Walking past the ABC Studios provides a good deal of morning entertainment, actually. Whether it's some teenage weirdo watching television in the window in an effort to beat a world record, or a black-clad cowboy with a picket sign mourning Peter Jennings, there is always something to look at in wonder.

2. This morning I was walking along 14th Street and saw Uma Thurman. I think she's now officially the celebrity I've run into most often. She was on a cell phone and mock-window shopping in front of a 99 cent store. I am writing this here because I am too chicken to contribute to Gawker Stalker, one of my favorite features on Gawker.com, in which New Yorkers post their random run-ins with the famous. Mine always seem insignificant to me, until I read that someone spotted one of the Queer Eye guys or a cast member from the first season of America's Next Top Model or something. Still, I can't bring myself to do it.

3. Britney Spears gave birth yesterday. That bitch was three days early, while my best friend is one week late and counting. Maybe smoking during pregnancy really is a good idea? My mom smoked and I was eight weeks premature - no fuss, no muss, all little and cute. But I won't jump on the bandwagon that criticizes Brit for eating Cheetos. I myself have had more than my fair share of Cheetos cravings lately. But I favor the Baked Cheetos - which are heart healthy! It says so on the label!